This will be boring for most...it's mostly for our family journal, so that we remember the details of our experiences and maybe someone, at some point, will benefit from it.
We were hoping to announce to our family & friends that we were expecting baby #7, but I had wanted to get to my first doctor's appointment first. We had lost a baby between Emily & Lindsey and had announced it to everyone before our appointment, only to find out there was no heartbeat. We hadn't told our parents, our kids, our siblings, etc. My particular OB doesn't see patients for the first time until 10 weeks. That appointment was about 10 days ago - on a Friday.
I had felt the usual pregnancy symptoms of fatigue, nausea (thankfully mostly just at night), weight gain & cravings. I left in the morning and Jon got the kids off to school. The appointment was full of paperwork, weight check, congratulations, figuring out the due date, talking about our birth plan, etc. Jon sent a text telling me that he decided to come and he was on his way. Then the doctor said "Well, let's take a look."
He started to do an ultrasound, with both of us thinking that Jon would walk in any minute. Pretty quickly, it was obvious that he wasn't finding a baby and he said "I'm not seeing a placenta or baby. This might be a molar pregnancy." I had NEVER heard of a molar pregnancy before and my first responses was to feel really stupid that I had thought I was pregnant and wasn't. I asked him what a molar pregnancy was and he explained that instead of a fetus growing, tissue grows. He then found 2 little bubble looking things and I asked him if that meant it was twins. He said he wasn't sure, but he wanted to show the ultrasound tech.
He left the room and I started to cry. I instantly hated the idea of not having a baby. But then, the doctor poked his head back in and said "I showed the picture to the tech and she thinks it might actually be 5 week old twins!"
For the next 90 seconds, I had the hope that not only was everything okay, but we would actually end our family with twins. Insanely crazy, but wonderful! I went into another ultrasound room and the tech started to do an ultrasound with the doctor watching. It became quickly evident though that there wasn't a baby (or babies) in there. It sounds crazy, but I am grateful for those 90 seconds. Of course, I wish that happy news had lasted a lot longer than that, but I smile when I think of those 90 seconds.
The tech did a complete ultrasound and took all the necessary measurements. It was easy for even me to see that there was nothing that resembled a baby at all. Nothing. No head, no spine, no heartbeat. Just tissue.
The doctor told me that he'd talk with me in his office and then we poked our head in the waiting room to see if Jon was there. He had come. He had asked to come back and they told him he couldn't because no children were allowed in the ultrasound room. Of course, the doctor would have let him come back, but after waiting 20 minutes and seeing no hope of being let into the room, he headed home with Hailey.
The nurse asked if I wanted to call him and wait for him to come back. I wanted him there, but I just wanted to get the appointment over with. The doctor came in and explained that I would need a D&C and that he'd probably do it the following Wednesday. He ordered lab work and said that I'd need to follow up with him for about 6 months after the D&C to make sure that the tissue didn't grow back and make sure that it didn't grow into a cancer.
I had my blood taken, the whole time crying. I walked slowly down the stairwell so that I wouldn't see anyone in the elevator and drove myself home. Jon was wonderfully supportive and disappointed too. He explained that sometimes an empty egg will be released, it will be fertilized and obviously because half the genetic tissue is missing, it doesn't grow correctly.
Jon and I instantly felt that we had probably been prepared for this. He had had a feeling for a couple of weeks that something wasn't quite right and I had been extra, extra tired for a week before the appointment and told Jon that it was the sort of fatigue I had felt before when I had a miscarriage. There was obviously still a very real sense of loss. We had planned that this would be our last pregnancy, our last baby, our last chapter of this phase of our lives.
We got a call later that afternoon from the doctor. The lab results showed that my HCG levels were 150,000. (normal for pregnancy women is between 10,000 & 15,000). He decided that he wanted to do the D&C on Monday instead of waiting until Wednesday. I was happy to get it taken care of sooner than later. Why feel crummy for no reason?
The kids were sad when we told them when they got home from school. Our friends & family & ward members have been so kind and loving and supportive. It is such a humbling experience to have people drop off dinners, send text messages, etc., and to literally feel their love and support through prayers.
Jon worked a double shift on Saturday so that he could take me on Monday. His sister Anne came up and watched Hannah & Hailey and we reported to the hospital at 10:30 Monday morning. The surgery was supposed to happen at noon, but then the anesthesiologist got stuck in a surgery and they had to put the surgery off until 4. It was a long, long wait. Jon left at 3 to check on the kids and get them settled for the evening. They came at got me about 4:15 and then the surgery started about 5. It went really, really well. The doctor told Jon that the bleeding was minimal and it appeared to be a total molar (which is much better than a partial molar).
My recovery has been really good. I had minimal pain and minimal bleeding. I instantly felt much better and have felt so grateful for feeling good. I am so sad to think that the pregnancy didn't work out. But, I know things happen for a reason and I'm really grateful that things went wrong early, instead of later.
I don't know what this means for our family. We will follow up for 6 months and then decide whether we try again or not. We are so grateful for the 6 wonderful kids we have!
Thank you so much for EVERYONE's love and kindness. It really fills our hearts with healing & hope.
